New Start

Well.

Apparently I'm not very good at this blogging thing. I think my biggest issue is that I don't feel as though I have anything witty or original to say. Then I think, 'Why bother blogging at all?"

But I think I'm missing the point for me.  I'm not using this to communicate with a specific audience. I'm not even using my real name. So what does it matter what I say? In essence, I'm here talking to myself, and I've been telling myself I'm not worthy of having a voice. Which is ridiculous and self-defeating.

So I have a goal this week. I'm going to post something every day this week. Sunday to Saturday. It doesn't have to be long, it just has to be there. I want to get into the habit of listening to my own voice, and learning how to express myself in a way that doesn't make me sound like an idiot (that may be the biggest challenge).

I sometimes find myself paralyzed by a multitude of interests and things I want to do. For example, today I want to post here (check!), write in my journal, finish knitting a pair of socks, continue working on another pair of socks, start (and maybe finish) a crochet baby hat, watch a movie, eat some pizza, drink a couple of beers, paint my fingernails (new shade received from a dear new friend, called Nifty Shades of Grey)...it's a daunting list. And since I want to do them all, I have a hard time choosing where to start. So I don't choose, I whittle time away on the internet until there isn't enough time to do any of them. Then I feel guilty about not doing anything. THEN I feel guilty about not doing other things that need doing, like laundry, cleaning, and school work. At which point I descend into a sneaky hate spiral and beat myself up for the rest of the evening, go to bed feeling depressed and unaccomplished, and succumb to nightmares about my inability to prove my worth to anyone.

So, today's small goal is to pick a starting point. Which I did - I came back here to type.  Next I'll head over to my journal, and get the rest of this out of my system. Watch a movie while I finish knitting a pair of socks, start a crochet project, maybe paint my nails a little later this afternoon, and save knitting the simple socks for after pizza and beer while I watch another movie with Sparky. 

Once I find a place to start, it's amazing how it all falls in to place...I just need to figure out how to keep the momentum going. Wish me luck.