I'm feeling anxious without cause - tightness in my chest, headache...I can actually feel my heart thumping as I sit here and I have an acute desire to sleep all. the. time.
I know that my Dad has been struggling with anxiety and depression, and I can't help but recognize some of these as responses to heightened anxiety inherited from him. The thing is, I can't figure out what the trigger is. Often I set unrealistically high goals for myself, and then berate myself for not achieving those completely arbitrary goals. It's completely self-justifying and self-defeating, all at the same time. I recognize this behaviour in myself, but all too often I catch myself doing it.
Today was a day off, with no "must-do" tasks, no grown-up things that needed tending to, and still I sit here, at nearly 11:00 at night. This is partly why I knit - it gives me something concrete to focus on, and at the end of the day I have something tangible in my hands to prove to myself that I accomplished something.
Today, I made hexipuffs.
It's my start to the Bee Keeper's Quilt, a crazy train I jumped on this weekend. (Ravelry link) Not a "finish-it-quick" project, but I'm hoping a project that I'll be more likely to chip away at while I'm in school again this fall.
Now. Deep breaths, some tea, and bedtime.
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